Spider-Man reboot thought of the day (again)

Everyone and their uncle is reporting that Marc Webb, a music video mainstay turned feature director with last year’s “Mopey Guy Pursues Manic Pixie Dream-Girl Indie Rom-Com #472” (released in some markets as “500 Days of Summer,”) is Sony’s go-to guy for “Spider-Man: The New Class.”

Webb had a lot of heat on him, even prior to “Summer,” but he’s new enough to not have precisely a ton of clout. Make no mistake – the only people they’re looking to hire for this are people who’re already in-sync with the pre-mandated approach OR people who can be pushed around INTO the pre-mandated approach.

The important detail to take away from all this is how fast it’s been: Unless someone at Sony is blowing smoke, they had a script the DAY they announced #4 was canceled and now they may have already nabbed a somewhat-sought-after new talent for director. In other words, it looks more and more like they’d decided on this course of action faaaaaar in advance, and that all the stonewalling of Sam Raimi over the villain was quite possibly a manuver to get him to leave “voluntarily” so this reboot could proceed. Not at all an unheard of move in the business.

“Spider-Man: Breaking Eclipse” is currently slated for 2012.

Spider-Man reboot thought for the day

(y’know what would be great? If this story stays big long enough that this title becomes no longer a joke…)

I was struck by a bitter thought today, regarding A.) this unfolding story and B.) the whiny, insecure twits who’re still convinced that Peter Parker – gasp! – DANCING!!!! in “Spider-Man 3” is the worst, most horrible thing in the history of cinema. The following is addressed to them:

I hope you’re happy now. I hope you’re fucking thrilled.

I also hope that, in 2012, when we all get to see whichever “adorable” up-and-coming castoff from whatever the 2012 equivalent of “Gossip Girl” get’s picked to don the hip, fresh n’ with-it “reimagining” of the Spider-Man costume and do battle with an inexplicably all-important Eddie Brock (Mike “The Situation,” perhaps?) under the direction of some hired gun director who’s only prior credits are some Puma commercials and 2nd unit on a fucking Lady Gaga video (or just Bret Ratner, same difference really) …I hope you’re even happier.

Maybe this means we’ll get Morbius, after all…

(note: Anyone who’s already “sick” of me covering Spider-Man Reboot news might as well just check out of this blog from now until about 2013, just so we’re clear.)

EVERYONE on the Web is covering the Spider-Man story, but as of right now the best “day of” reaction I’ve come across was from Devin over on Chud: http://chud.com/articles/articles/22113/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-TWILIGHT-FOR-SPIDER-MAN-AND-HOLLYWOOD/Page1.html

As is frequently the case, he’s landed on a thesis that makes a depressing amount of sense regarding Sony’s “send the series back to high school” angle: It allows them to morph the franchise into “Twilight” i.e. ‘superpowers-as-teen-angst-melodrama.’

Yegh. Might as well start scanning The CW for whoever’s going to take the lead (they’ll be looking for “a less-edgy Michael Cera.”)

Ultimate Spider-Man: The Movie

Good Spider-Man Movies: 2001-2010. RIP.

The question of whether or not the movie industry would have an earth-shaking, massive angry-talent/angry-studio story of the year to match Leno vs. Conan vs. NBC has been answered. Deadline Hollywood is reporting – and Sony is confirming – that the difficulties surrounding “Spider-Man 4” (read: Sam Raimi won’t budge on using the characters/plot he wants to) have led to a major shakeup: Raimi is gone, along with the ENTIRE cast and continuity of the series up to this point: http://www.deadline.com/hollywood/urgent-spider-man-4-scrapped-as-is-raimi-and-cast-out-franchise-reboot-planned/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

It’s over. The series is done.

Sony’s plan – detailed enough for anyone to conclude that this is what they ultimately wanted for a long time now – is to RE-START the whole thing. Peter Parker back in high-school, “Ultimate Marvel”-style. New go-round of the origin, newer, younger actors in the roles.

A re-boot. Of a franchise that isn’t even a decade old. The last installment of which broke $300 Million US. This the “nightmare scenario” everyone was worried about when the remake/reboot thing went started to get out of control.

The only positive to come out of this is a creatively-freed Sam Raimi. Everything else… WOW, this is going to suck. The whole history of this series has been Raimi and his people holding fast against bad ideas from the studio. Can you IMAGINE what a “hip young teenaged” Spider-Man is going to look like with only Sony and whatever jobber filmmaker donates his body to this in charge? The mind reels at whom they might cast – remember, before Raimi stepped in Freddie Prinze Jr. was going to get the part. And you can probably bet good money that Venom will turn up right away… and probably Carnage, too, along with every other worthless fucking 90s Spidey villain that still moves a fucking t-shirt.

secret shame

Okay, quick show of hands:

How many of you, besides me, are guilty of FULLY RECOGNIZING that “Ctrl Alt Del” sucks… but can’t stop reading the fucking thing? It’s as though it’s devolved into something like the ultimate, last-word parody of masturbatory, self-aggrandizing, soap-operatic webcomics… except it doesn’t know that it’s a parody. It’s “The Room” of webcomics.

Art Clokey: 1921 – 2010

TV Animation pioneer Art Clokey is dead at 89. A claymation filmmaker, he was best known for creating “Gumby” and “Davey & Goliath.”

He was going to be a priest, but fell in love instead. He and his wife developed a passion for filmmaking, and he earned attention for an abstract claymation short called “Gumbasia.”

“Gumbasia” led to a contract to do “Gumby” on TV, first in shorts for “Howdy Doody” and then as it’s own series (two of them, in fact) that were staples of kids TV for decades. In between them, he did “Davey & Goliath” under contract to the Lutheran Church of America.

He re-emerged in the 1990s to independently-produce “Gumby: The Movie,” which is a very special kind of amazing if you can find it these days.

For a fellow with seemingly few “official” credits to his name, his impact on culture was massive: Everyone knows Gumby, or at least nearly everyone. “Mystery Science Theater 3000” even riffed on a Gumby short once – a kind of pop-culture double-team – and “Davey” of course inspired “Moral Orel,” which started out shaky but came to a close as one of the most psychologically-searing animated shows ever to run in the U.S. (If there’s a darker turn for a “comedy” show than “Nature,” I’ve never seen it.)

Clash of the Titans score

Apparently everyone but me HATED the heavy(ish) metal music in the trailer for the “Clash of The Titans” trailer; in which case that same everyone is about to be very, very angry…

According to Chud the film may forgoe a “traditional” singular-composer score in favor of a score by rock band Muse:

This is how out of the loop I am on popular music: Is Muse still “cool,” or has the Stephanie Meyer connection killed it for them? Whatever, I like their stuff for the most part. They aren’t precisely “metal,” closer to a self-parody riff on a kind of Radiohead/early-Queen fusion, but they’re “bigger” material trends close to “symphonic metal” like Symphony X.

For what it’s worth, I’m MASSIVELY in favor of this… ANYTHING to avoid another tired variation on the “Gladiator” score for this genre. The “Clash” remake looks to be eschewing the traditional Greek mythology visual tropes for something closer to Frazetta-type “high fantasy” pulp-art, which has ALWAYS mixed tremendously well with metal/symphonic-hard-rock. If this goes through, watching this flick is gonna feel like a Man-o-War album cover come to life; and that’s a damn good feel as far as I’m concerned.

Escape to the Movies: "Heavy Metal"

Happy new stuff.

NOTHING came out this week worth doing a show about, so “The Escapist” put me on-assignment to do a flashback-ish thing for “Heavy Metal.”

I think it turned out pretty good:


And, as usual, here’s the INTERMISSION column, this week titled “Decade of The Nerd.” It’s a look-back-at-the-decade thing, because you all know how much I like doing stuff that no one else in media is doing at the same time: