This Is (Apparently) Loki’s Army In "Avengers" – And They Might Be Teasing Something AWESOME…

Fandango has a new TV spot up for “The Avengers,” which has some new dialogue and footage (it’s a very Hulk and Iron Man heavy clip) that most-notably features the first (brief) facial close-up of the yet-unnamed creatures serving as Loki’s foot soldiers. I took a screencap, posted below the jump. And yes, I have some guesses…

So… they’re cool looking, right off the bat – it goes with the unapologetic comic-booky-ness of the whole production that the aliens (or whatever they are) would be guys with impossible-to-look-anything-other-than-evil monster-faces; and I loooooove that they seem to use melee weapons, implying LOTS of hand-to-hand combat.

As for what they “are?” Well, it’s entirely possible that they’re something entirely new or just “The Aliens.” But because it’s fun to keep playing the “spot the Marvel Universe reference” game…

They definitely don’t seem to be Skrulls. Maybe they were at one time and it got switched around (they used motion-capture, so it wouldn’t be out of the question) hence the early reports, but they don’t seem to be now. They also look a little too specific to be The Chitauri, aka “Ultimate Skrulls.” They’re most reminiscient of The Badoon, who’re your basic Gangly/Green/Goblinesque pulp-scifi aliens and whose helmets and armor kinda/sorta looked like similar to that when they wore them. The most interesting thing about The Badoon is that they have a “libido problem” – their society had to be forcibly gender-segregated because their mating instinct literally turns them into savage beasts. Also, the “veil” part of the helmet sort of makes them look Egyptian. Maybe Thor and The Aesir aren’t the only Ancient Aliens? On the other hand… the face on the big guy right up front looks familiar in a different way…

The handsome guy on the right is Beta Ray Bill; probably the most significant character in the “Thor” universe outside of Loki and Thor himself. Created by Walt Simonson in his landmark Thor run in the 80s, Bill is a the sworn protector of The Korbonites, a nomadic/planetarily-displaced alien race whose homeworld was destroyed by Thor villain Surtur.

You may notice that he dresses like Thor. Why? Well, when Thor first encountered Bill they mistoke eachother for enemies. During the fight, Bill got hold of Mjolnir (Thor’s magic hammer) and – per the rules of Odin’s “If Ye Be Worthy, Possess The Power of Thor” spell – was imbued with Thor’s powers. This was kind of a big deal at the time, because very few other beings in the Marvel Universe are supposed to be “worthy” enough to lift it without some kind of loophole or an exception from Odin (Captain America can do it, of course.) Eventually, Bill got his own equivalent to Mjolnir called “Stormbreaker,” and he’s been a fan-favorite Marvel mainstay ever since.

Now, I doubt that that’s Bill in the “Avengers” screencap, but given that A.) Loki as the main heavy and The Cosmic Cube as the likely main MacGuffin tie this very close to the “Thor” universe to begin with and B.) “Thor 2” is further into pre-production than any post-“Avengers” Marvel sequel other than “Iron Man 3;” these guys could very well be Korbonites (controlled/enslaved by Loki?)… and if one of them were to, say, snatch up Mjolnir and suddenly sprout Asgardian armor it’d be one HELL of a tease for “Thor 2” – to say nothing of a garaunteed tear-the-roof-off moment of fanservice.

On the other hand, The Korbonites don’t all look like Bill (he was “modified” into a more monstrous form as part of making him a better soldier) in the comics, but that doesn’t necessarily need to be the case here. Definitely a longshot either way, but… honestly? How cool is it that something like that isn’t a complete impossibility?

"Man of Steel" Banner Looks Like You’d Expect

The familiar Superman shield rendered in weirdly-lit foundry/iron look? Okay, whatever. I like it more than the plasticky look from “Returns.” It will, of course, be irrationally hated-upon; because apparently Zack Snyder ran over everyone on The Internet’s dog at some point in the past.

People are assuming, with little evidence, that there’ll be a trailer for this attached to “Dark Knight Rises.” It will likely include a speed-ramping shot, despite the technique having been criminalized at the Movie Nerd Summit of 2010. Oh, Snyder… when will you learn that good composition isn’t “cool” anymore?

Schwarzenegger. DeVito. Murphy. "Twins II: Triplets." Really.

And THIS would be the Monkey’s Paw price we have to pay for the better parts of the 80s Nostalgia wave.

Everyone who’s so psyched for Arnold Schwarzenegger to get back into movies now that his stint as Governator is over seemed to forget the sort of movies Arnie had been making in that looooooooong stretch between “True Lies” and his 2003 election. Sadly, it looks as though he’s picking up in exactly the same mediocre place he left off…

The Hollywood Reporter says that Schwarzenegger will re-team with Danny DeVito and director (producer?) Ivan Reitman for “Triplets,” a sequel to their mid-1980s comedy vehicle “Twins.” If you’re too young to remember “Twins,” it was an entire movie built around the following joke: It’s somewhat unlikely that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito would be twin brothers. Taking the news from farce to tragedy is the accompanying news that the NEW unlikely-sibling (hence the title) will be portrayed by Eddie Murphy.

Y’know what’s kind of amazing? With “Always Sunny” still going, DeVito is the only person mentioned whose actually “too good” for this material…

Did a Republican Candidate Just Almost Call The President a "N***er?" (NSFW)

The below-embedded video is all-but-washed-up Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum speaking in Janesville, Wisconsin this past Tuesday. It’s a long video, but the important part comes right around 34:25 – when Santorum rattles off a series of descriptives of Barack Obama, but stumbles a bit over one part: “…the anti-war, government nig… uhhh…”

You can go directly to that part by clicking HERE. Refresh it a few times. Listen carefully. He obviously almost said something, and then stopped himself. Negotiator? Negativist? How many words could it concievably have been?

“Nig… uhh…” “Nig… uhh…” “Nig… uhh…” “Nig… uhh…”

Nig WHAT, Rick? Nig. What.

Lousy Title, Good Trailer, Killer Premise

It’s been assumed for awhile that if “Avengers” is a success it’ll spur a interest in other “team-up” movies; but Dreamworks Animation isn’t waiting around. Here’s the trailer for “Rise of The Guardians,” in which an evil force is combatted by a team of famous figures: Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy and The Sandman.

Someone didn’t think of this sooner because…?

"Breaking Dawn" Teased

Imagine trying to explain what the hell is being advertised – and why it’s worth of all the ominous music-cues – a scant few years from now when basically no one remembers (or wants to remember) that “Twilight” was ever a “thing?”