And THIS is why Hugh Jackman is so desperate for more "Wolverine" sequels…

…because it’s apparently either that or make movies about a deadbeat dad who reconnects with his precocious, smart-mouthed son amid the world of competitive Robot Boxing. For the Shawn “Night At The Museum” Levy.

Dear lord… it’s only a TRAILER, but how bad to do you already want to see that fucking kid get crushed by falling debris?

This is technically based on a Richard Matheson story best remembered as a Twilight Zone episode, though presumably without the brutal twist. Yes, it was also the basis of that Simpsons episode you’re thinking of.

I hope the whole movie is actually like this trailer, though: Played completely straight and “serious” in the most earnest way possible. Not because it’ll make it any better, but because I want to witness the spectacle of the director of “Cheaper by the Dozen” (and STAR of “Zombie Nightmare!”) trying to wring pathos out of what amounts to “Rock’Em Sock’Em Robots: The Movie.” You have to learn to love the little things.

Oh, and Levy is apparently still the guy WB wants for “The Flash,” so… yeah.

Next Year’s Answer to "Soul Surfer" Greenlit at Sony

via Deadline…

When I had my wisdom teeth out, the combination of lingering anasthesea and (I think) Vicodin had me swearing to my parents that there was a Unicorn walking on the ceiling, along with several varieties of dinosaur. Fortunately for the world at large, neither of my parents were part of a profession built around selling reassurances to worshippers of either horned equines or thunder-lizards – so nobody wrote a book or made a movie out of my delusions…

4 year-old Colton Burpo, on the other hand, came back from near-death during an emergency apendectomy claiming to have hung out in Heaven with cheerful winged angels (you know, the type that aren’t actually anywhere in the Bible), and The Big J.C. Himself; and has a dad who is an Evangelical minister by trade “calling.” So… you can probably guess the rest.


Colton’s father, Todd, collaborated with Lynn Vincent (who also – shocker! – “worked with” Sarah Palin on “Going Rouge”) on the book, “Heaven is For Real,” which became a New York Times bestseller last year. Just so we’re clear: We’re talking about MILLIONS of people paying good money to read a second hand account of a toddler’s near-death experience as-told by his minister dad and a political “journalist” best (only?) known for shaping one of the most widely-disparaged cash-in autobiographies in recent memory.

And now it’s going to be a movie, and the “big news” is that a legitimate studio is stepping in as opposed to one of the smaller religious propaganda “entertainment” outfits: Instead it’s being set up at Sony, courtesy of an alliance between Texas MegaVangelist Bishop T.D. Jakes and Sony exec DeVon Franklin, who made a lot of ink recently with his autobiography detailing his “double life” as a bigshot Hollywood player AND an ordained minister and offering advice on how to succeed in both (looking at his filmography, step one is apparently “make a lot of movies with Will Smith,” which I don’t think one really needs divine guidance to figure out…)

Question: Am I the ONLY person who has noticed that, despite all this constant talk about “The Passion” having opened up the market for explicitly Christian films, the ONLY one since that’s made any real money or had any crossover success has been the Narnia movies – i.e. the franchise where Christ/Christianity is NEVER mentioned by name and is instead couched in an explicitly-“paganized” allegory? Shouldn’t there be a lesson in that?

Almodovar’s "horror movie"

Pedro Almodovar, who’s spent the last decade or so alternating between arthouse-inflected High Camp and arthouse-inflected Douglas Sirk riffs, has made what he calls “a horror story without screams of frights”: “The Skin I Live In.” And now we have a trailer (or, rather, a Cannes clip):

The “horror” part makes a little more sense once you know that Antonio Banderas is supposed to be playing a mad scientist who’s experimenting on a captive woman (women?) to create indestructible skin for his wife; who was horribly burned in a car crash. It’s based (very, very loosely) on the novel “Tarantula” by Theirry Jonquet.

Anyone who has seen more than one entry in the alarming wide canon of “mad-doc-ostensibly-trying-to-help-injured-wife” genre are requested to at least act surprised when said mad doctor’s beautiful, fiercely-devoted assistant/doormat complicates matters by developing romantic feelings for him. All told, it sounds very similar to “Eyes Without a Face;” which American horror fans may be more familiar with as “The Horror Chamber of Dr. Faustus:”

Nobody has seen this yet, but it’s set to debut at Cannes.

Tarantino Wants Will Smith For "Django" – Would He Do It?

People “in the business” tend to say, only half-jokingly, that Will Smith’s career path is pretty-much set right now: Coast comfortably in blockbuster-territory until “The Barack Obama Story” has an ending, star in Obama biopic, win Academy Award. It’s a cynical, borderline-“race-ish” view (i.e. “of course the #1 black star wants to play Obama!”)… but let’s face it, it’s a sort of plausible track for the industry’s premiere “business-first” movie star; a guy who’s famous for avoiding risky roles (even his biggest disaster, the surreally-awful “Seven Pounds,” probably worked on paper.)

But if there’s one name in Hollywood who can summon almost any star to lay down their guard for a risky, offbeat part just for the chance to work with them, that name is Quentin Tarantino. And now Variety says QT wants Smith for the lead in his next project, an ultraviolent “Western” (though set in the 19th Century American South) called “Django Unchained.”

For those who’ve not been keeping track, the project (“top-secret” but with the usual widely-leaked handwritten QT script already in circulation) is a “spiritual successor” to the infamous Italian western “Django,” with original star Franco Nero supposedly appearing in a wholly different capacity. The lead part of the “new” Django is (reportedly, I’ve not read the script myself and don’t plan to) written for a black actor, and if your mind is putting that together with the 1800s Southern setting… yes, the “Unchained” part of the title (supposedly) means exactly what you think it does: Django is an escaped slave turned bounty-hunter, and the early buzz is already touting that it’s a “slavery-revenge” sibling to the “holocaust revenge” setup of “Inglorious Basterds.” Holy shit.

This would, without question, be the edgiest role Smith has ever taken – much of his early fame came from much-vaunted “crossover appeal” (a rapper who got play in “white” pop circles when that was still unusual, the star of one of the few post-Cosby black sitcoms that became mainstream hits), and “ex-slave exacting brutal vengeance on white bad guys” is as incendiary and far-removed from that as you can get. Nevermind the visceral backlash that could be provoked from audiences by the sight of a symbol of 21st Century black achievement (which Smith is, in-and-of himself) being the victim of slavery-era lashings both verbal and literal. I mean, good God… a Quentin Tarantino movie about slavery? Somebody check on Spike Lee, make sure he’s breathing okay.

Thing is… I can totally see Smith pulling it off. He doesn’t get enough credit for it, but he’s a terrific “dialogue actor” (watch his interplay with Martin Lawrence in the terribly-scripted “Bad Boys” and observe how much he elevates that material) and would be well-matched with Tarantino’s signature rapid-fire joke-serious-joke-dead-serious patter. Executed properly, this could change the trajectory of Smith’s career and persona (for the better) overnight.

But do I think he’d do it? I’d be surprised, honestly. The thing of it is, Smith is notorious for demanding rewrites and script-supervision on any project he signs for (he’s supposed to be a devotee of the screenwriting book “The Moral Premise,” and is said to employ writers to bring scripts in line with it’s precepts) and that’s just not going to fly on a QT project. I believe he wants him, as Tarantino famously starts out looking at the biggest possible actors (at one point “Basterds” was framed as an “Expendables”-style aging-action-guy team-up movie, with Leonardo DiCaprio offered Hans Landa); and I’m sure the Weinsteins have made the offer – but I’ll be BLOWN AWAY if it happens.

Do Leaked Pix Change EVERYTHING We Thought Knew About Nolan’s "Batman?"

…Probably not, but I’d LOVE to be wrong.

A set of photos purportedly taken from an exterior “Dark Knight Rises” set in Jaipur, India – which I’m unable to directly link to at this time – show a deep pit with a huge green-screen tarp at its bottom. Typically, this technique is used for making a “real” hole appear filled with something (lava, slime, water or “something else”) in post-production CGI. And if you know your Batman, animated series in particular, you know what conclusion people are jumping to.

Do I think that’s what it is? No, I doubt it. But would it be awesome? Yes. Yes it would.

Pulled Punch?

I’ve been curious about “The Ledge” for awhile now, mostly based on it’s killer premise: A Christian Fundamentalist traps an avowed Atheist in a Jigsaw-esque mindgame – if the Atheist doesn’t jump to his death from a skyscraper ledge within a certain amount of time, the Fundamentalist will kill someone else in his place; his idea being to “prove” the moral-inferiority of Atheism by showing that said Atheist will be less willing to lay down his life without the promise of an afterlife to reassure him.

Unfortunately, the trailer seems to display a dissapointing though unsurprising dodge on the “bite” of the premise…

So… apparently, what’s “really” bugging the bad guy is that the Atheist in question had an affair with his wife.

Sigh. This will live or die by the acting, either way, but it’s endlessly frustrating (and I’m NOT an Atheist) that movies about Religion-as-pathology always need to add “something else” to be the “real” reason for the psychosis. How much darker/scarier/edgier a premise would it be to just SAY what a lot of people already know – that “harmless” sincere-to-the-point-of-creepy spiritual faith is NOT all that far removed, psychologically, from a full-on dangerous break with reality and sometimes people’s switches just “flip?” The notion that Ned Flanders is one misfired-synapse away from Norman Bates is creepier, to me, than “don’t sleep with a crazy guy’s wife.”

Incidentally, looking at the reaction this around the web, this trailer ALSO provides a handy way to test the “worth-my-time-ness” of your aquaintances: If you show this to someone and their first reaction is along the lines of “Ugh! Always picking on the Christians! Why couldn’t it have been a MUSLIM, everyone knows they do more of this stuff!”, that person is probably not worth taking very seriously.

Finding funny words to rhyme with "Conan" is harder than you’d think

Here’s the easiest prediction I or anyone else will make all summer: Come August, the most obnoxious strata of the nerdscape by far will be the folks swearing that the awful-looking Marcus Nispal directed “Conan” movie – which has a new, awful-looking trailer below – is in some way superior to John Milius/Arnold Schwarzenegger “Conan” on the grounds that it’s “closer” to the original Robert E. Howard “Conan” stories.

I’m not myself 100% sure how one GET’S “closer” to REH’s work unless it’s a direct adaptation of one of his actual stories – which this new film isn’t. The original “Conan” canon is many things (awesome, for example) but what it’s NOT is imbued with a particularly dense continuity or consistency. For the most part they are united solely by the fact that the main character (whose profession and disposition change from tale to tale) is named Conan.

Oh, I’m sure that it’ll be chock-full of REH references – it’s a given that someone calling himself Thoth-Amon will turn up, and that Howard’s myriad fictional civilizations and peoples will get name-checked as it goes, and maybe they’ll toss in some of the more public-domain-ish Cthulhu jargon if they want to really work people up… but no, that’s not enough to make this look like anything beyond the mid-level “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys” knockoff it continues to resemble.

Also: Jason Momoa looks like a guy who fronts “totally-brutal” local metal band in Wisconsin but on weekdays works the key-making station at Home Depot – dunno why, but that’s the impression I get.