Tea Party Now Believes Manatees To Be Agents of Sinister United Nations Coup

Via Gawker

A Florida chapter of scientifically-illiterate, hyperreligious paranoid xenophobes The Citrus County Tea Party Patriots have uncovered yet another threat to The United States of Christopia: MANATEES. American Conservatives’ endless quest to make the bad guys from “Captain Planet” look nuanced by comparison marches on…

Edna Mattos, the “leader” of the Citrus County Tea Party Patriots has launched a campaign to oppose increased protections on edangered Manatees in King’s Bay:

“We cannot elevate nature above people,” explained Edna Mattos, 63, leader of the Citrus County Tea Party Patriots, in an interview. “That’s against the Bible and the Bill of Rights.”

It’s also, of course, all part of the conspiracy by the United Nations – that scaaaaary organization of untrustworthy Europeans and Brown People who want to take your guns and Bibles – to take over the world through environmental regulations. Mattos explains:

“We believe that (federal regulators’) aim is to control the fish and wildlife, in addition to the use of the land that surrounds this area, and the people that live here and visit. … As most of us know, this all ties in to the United Nations’ Agenda 21 and Sustainability.”

“Agenda 21” is a largely symbolic, essentially-unenforcable U.N. resolution (so, in other words, a U.N. resolution) from 1992 to encourage environmentally-responsible development. Nobody cared about it (again, U.N. resolution) until Glenn Beck convinced his acolytes that it was evidence of “the plan.”

17 thoughts on “Tea Party Now Believes Manatees To Be Agents of Sinister United Nations Coup

  1. Brian J. Roan says:

    It is soooo hard to claim even an iota of conservative leanings when people like this are polluting the news with propaganda-level caricatures conservatism.

    I promise we aren't all insane. Seriously.


  2. Reverend Allan Ironside says:

    I got some news for you Bob. In spite of what one “leader” of this branch of the Tea Party says (ie, this woman is probably working a full time job while she's doing this, given the Tea Party isn't exactly a funded organization, just a loose collection of people tired of all this shit in Washington)

    The truth, in spite of your half-assed “source” is that most of us in the Tea Party don't really give two shits about the United Nations, what they think, what they want, and would be more than happy to ignore anything they attempt to tell us Americans to do.

    Besides, many of my fellow church goers see the anti-christ in every opposition face. Me, I'm just waiting for the inevitable time of Tiribulations, happy to know that the world will soon be put out of its misery.


  3. Jordan says:

    My favorite part of that article is the last quote from the leader of the Citrus County Tea Party: “If some of these environmental movements had been around in the days of the dinosaurs, we'd be living in Jurassic Park now.”

    There is so much stupid in that one sentence, I don't even know where to begin.


  4. antecedentless says:

    Srsly? Stupidity here aside (looks like yet another n**gar moment), the UN recently made North Korea chair of, guess what: Disarmament. I kid you not.

    That whole corrupt antisemitic organization needs to be moved to west Jerusalem.


  5. Benfea says:

    Dear Brian J. Roan,

    That was easily the funniest and most delusional thing I've read since you guys accused us of being terrorist-loving traitors for complaining about mass torture being done in our names.

    Thanks for brightening an otherwise dull night.


  6. Jake says:

    @ Benfea
    No, not all conservatives are the same. I consider myself a Libertarian/Conservative in the tradition of Barry Goldwater, (that's right, Ron Paul can kiss my ass!) and I oppose torture.


  7. CraftyAndy says:

    “If some of these environmental movements had been around in the days of the dinosaurs, we'd be living in Jurassic Park now.” What the fuck doesthat even mean? I swear to god the majority of christians think that eve though our resources are lmited, they are put here by god for us to use and he will come take care of us in the end. Give me a fucking break, can we regulate stupid people in this country too? Put them in camps? See what their god does then.


  8. xXx The Beast xXx says:

    Combine this with the Hyper-Religious thing you posted earlier, and everything else going on in this country, and I can't help but hear the far-off calls of “Holy Civil War” getting just a little bit closer…


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