Somehow, They Are Still Making This

Pictured: Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp as The Lone Ranger and Tonto, respectively. In answer to the obvious question: Yes, on his mother’s side, apparently.
Johnny Depp in excessive, outlandish makeup and a funny hat? Whoa. Way to think outside the box, guys. I wonder if he has some kind of “offbeat” verbal-inflection?
I for one can’t wait to read the Disney Studio P.R. release about how Tonto’s look is A.) totally based on a real, extremely specific type of Native American attire – much more authentic than the way Tonto and Native characters in particular have typically been depicted before! – and B.) something that Johnny Depp brought to the table and insisted on and that “the suits” were all like “Noooo!” about but, man, you just gotta go with Johnny cuz that dude is just on a totally different visionary plane, man.

Yeah, okay, whatever. Johnny Depp has a bird for a hat and that’s reeeeaaaalllllyyyy weird and everyone has already made that Nicholas Cage joke. What I wanna know is what’s up with The Ranger’s new look.

Not necessarily that they seem to have ditched the traditional red/white/blue color scheme (red kerchief, white hat, blue shirt typically, though it has differed), but what’s the deal with the Marshall’s badge? Traditionally, The Lone Ranger is a vigilante – a onetime Texas Ranger (or sometimes the civilian brother of a Ranger) left for dead who adopts an anonymous masked-persona to gain advantage over his would-be murderers. Is he an “official’ lawman in this version? And, if so, why the mask?

20 thoughts on “Somehow, They Are Still Making This

  1. Daniel R says:

    Maybe the image is from the beginning of the film, before he becomes the Lone Ranger.
    Although that wouldn't explain the mask.


    I still don't understand how anyone thinks this is a good idea.


  2. MerelyAFan says:

    Well if Alice in Wonderland's box office is any indication, the world audience will respond with: Oh, Johnny Depp in a funny hat and makeup? Here, have a billion dollars.


  3. Anonymous says:

    Can this blog attract any more hipsters? I mean, crimony. “Johnny Depp in a funny hat!!? Oh no! This is a disgrace, and I know it's a disgrace because it goes without saying that I'm a much truer artistic soul than the filmmakers!”

    Guys, listen. Sometimes movies are just for fun. All right? Can we all agree on that? Can we also agree that any idea not explored from a new, unexpected perspective from time to time will stagnate and be forgotten? You should understand that. Any new treatment of an existing franchise could suck. It could also be awesome. Maybe all these adaptations do give us a lot of turds. But it's worth it to have one or two masterpieces now and again.


  4. Jake says:

    Yes movies are supposed to be fun. But your forgetting two things;
    1. He looks fucking stupid in that makeup.
    2. The reason he's in all that makeup is because they casted a white person to play an Indian, and they're trying to hid that fact, despite the fact that Indians are not extinct.

    As much as I don't want to be the “THAT'S RACIST” guy, although I'm not sure what to think about Pocahontas at this point, Disney hasn't done too good of a job portraying indians, just go watch Peter Pan (although Tom and Huck “might” be the exception).


  5. Dave from canada says:



    Rememeber when being a nerd meant loving something enough that you didn't care if it made you look stupid? When did it become hating everything so you can make yourself look cool?

    To quote one Dan Pudi “I guess I just like liking things”.

    I also have to laugh at anyone under the delusion that the lone ranger was ever quality work. It was sub zorro that is barely noteable even as a pulp franchise.


  6. Jake says:

    Maybe that's true, but I don't understand how anyone can look at that and this is going to be “fun”. Read my comment above, Disney hasn't done a good job with anything Indian related, except maybe Tom and Huck.


  7. Blue Highwind says:

    It looks like “The Spirit 2”. And the first “Spirit” was easily the most fascinating disaster of a movie that I've ever seen. So hopefully this will be just as bad. In fact, make it worse.

    Where's Samuel L. Jackson when you need him?


  8. Jake says:

    @Dave and Anon
    I just found out that Depp does have some Indian ancestry, and misinterpreted Bob's comment at the beggining. But my other points still stand. Plus, I also object to the opposite attitude that nobody can hate anything.


  9. Anonymous says:


    No. Hate is the sign of a pseudo-intellectual twit who throws his ire around simply on the grounds that it makes him smarter than he actually is.

    Hating something is neither good nor constructive on any level and no matter how much half baked reasoning might be attributed to it. It is the sign of the idiot, who has nothing to say but thinks that yelling that nothing loudly enough will make him look smart in front of others.

    Disliking something on the other hand, is fine. If somethings aesthetic, thematic or narrative detractors prevent you from enjoying something. Then you are free to say so as long as you can reasonably back up your argument in a manner slightly more complex than the internet rules of screeching 'IT SUXXX!'

    Everything has a value, has a purpose. It can entertain you, it can infuriate you, it can teach you how or how not to do something and it can reveal your own tastes in media. To hate is close your mind to all lessons that media can teach, both good and bad.

    To hate something means that you are a fool.


  10. Jake says:

    Then I think we have two different definitions of hate. I meant it in the way that you said dislike, I just tend to be more extream in my language, I never almost never say any thing sucks without giving reasons way.

    I'm no Lone Ranger fan, it just looks stupid. Plus I did back up my points, Disney is not known for handeling damn near anything related to Native Americans (Apocalypto started doing that better before fucking up later), and this sure as shit isn't helping.

    Note: though to be fair not a lot of media does justice to native american history and culture, but it has gotten better, though Disney still seems to be behind as usual.


  11. Link_Shady says:


    Yes, we love fun and games, ho ho, hi hi. That's why we wajt to see nazis in space, superheroes and another whole set of dumb thing, because they are fun (I, for example, am having a blast with Asura's Wrath that is practically Dragon Ball Z: The Hindu Videogame).

    The problem comes when things are predictable and boring, and in being that way ruin something already made (With a lot of potential to be something more, something cooler, something funnier).

    Making movies without artistic merit is fine (unless the win best picture at the oscars), but making cardboard movies that shit on something loved by others is not.


  12. Dave from canada says:

    @ Anon

    I'd like to see a major studio that had a good track record with ANY minority.

    I don't have high hopes for this…again the source material is so dated and bland you'd have to change it beyond recognition to make it work.

    What the Nostalgia brigade leaves out is that Tonto was essentially the Jar Jar binks of his day.

    Except whereas Jar Jar an especially stupid example of a race shown to be quite capable and technically apt, played by a black man but mimicking the slapstick movements of a white man..Tonto was a Native american who couldn't speak in coherent sentences and used caveman talk and whose only purpose in life was serving a heroic white man.

    And don't let's pretend that if JD was rocking the single brain and headband with feature that the title of this wouldn't be “tonto looks like tonto”


  13. Aiddon says:

    And to think at one point I liked Johnny Depp. Guy is turning into a second Nic Cage at this point and not in a good way. His “quirky” schtick was tiresome by the third Pirates movie and it's something he needs to shake. Plus Hollywood's history with Native Americans in general has been very poor.


  14. Dev's Media Reviews says:

    Why is Tonto Capt. Jack Sparrow from 'Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest'? Disney, you can't use your imagination to make both men different from each other?

    Arnie Hammer's fine. The film, however, may not be the case as we've seen with the disappointing returns of 'John Carter' domestically though it has made more money overseas last weekend.


  15. Anonymous says:

    I kind of want to see a version of this where all the Native Americans are reasonably historically accurate *except* for Johnny Depp's character.

    “No, we don't know that guy. What tribe is he? Why does he have a bird on his head?”


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