Last Word on "Spider-Man"

There’s no real point in complaining about people trolling every single post/review/article I put up that even alludes to the movie that happens to be THE big entertainment news story of the moment (seriously, people; I am “obsessed” with “The Amazing Spider-Man” in the same way that The Weather Channel was “obsessed” with Hurricane Katrina – it’s kind of the only thing going on at the moment, especially since there’s been no “tsunami” out of SDCC yet) since this is my job… but at this point I’ve had enough. Especially since The Internet ran out of new conspiracy-theories and sinister-motivations to ascribe to my not liking a movie as much as you did within the first few hours.

So I’m just gonna take one more pass through the most common bullet-points on this nonsense and then that’s it from me until something newsworthy (re: sequel, casting/re-casting, who’s-replacing-Mark-Webb, etc) happens…

1. If there’s one thing that I just cannot stand about internet movie discussion it’s that people seem incapable of grasping that not everything can be expressed as a hard-equation. Opinion and criticism aren’t 1 + 1 = 2 constants. To wit: It is not “hypocrisy” or a “double-standard” to like “X-Men: First Class” but dislike some other reboot, because reboot doesn’t ALWAYS equal “bad.” BAD equals bad. See also: Elements that work perfectly well in one movie CAN sometimes be a mistake in another movie – which is why there is no point in excavating old reviews of this or that critic to “a-ha!” them about saying ______ was fun in THIS movie when they’d said the same ______ was bad in a previous one.

2. No, I didn’t mark the movie “down” because of the business stuff behind the reboot decision. I made note of it because, from my perspective, said decisions/processes were very plausible explanations for many of the bigger problems with the film. Remember a few years back when there was a huge writer’s strike and you had all these blockbusters coming out with under-cooked scripts as a result? Same basic thing.

3. I “get” that there’s a younger generation of movie-people for whom Sam Raimi has only ever been “the guy who made “Spider-Man” and also some horror movies before that;” (which is tragic, btw) so I “get” that that’s where some of the split on these two series is coming from – at the time, Raimi’s “Spider-Man” was the biggest thing that had ever happened to film geekdom: Hiring a guy who was perennially on the “movie nerd wish-list” for every genre property but would NEVER actually land one was a neutron-bomb for us; which is pretty-much why people might as well be speaking Klingon when they tell me the original films were “bad” because of the slapstick, the crazy-zooms, the “campy-evil” Goblin, the retro-horror tone-shifts, various cameos by actors and cars, Maguire playing (personality-wise) a straight-up lift of 60s Peter Parker… I mean, that’s the stuff we showed up hoping for at the time! And before anyone asks, yes, if Mark Webb HAD a singular/auteurist style of his own (he doesn’t appear to, which is not necessarily a negative) I’d have liked to see him bring it.

4. Believe it or not, I choose the stuff I review mainly based on whatever is most relevant/newsworthy at the time; and form my opinions based on… well, my opinions; as opposed to carrying out some kind of grand, five-steps-ahead supervillain conspiracy to affect production decisions and manipulate the results of theoretical future movies. To be more specific; no, I am not under the illusions of carrying out a Machiavellian plot to “make” this movie fail so Spider-Man can possibly turn up in “Avengers 3” ten years from now.

5. I have no opinion about the Fantastic Four reboot right now because all anyone knows is that the director of “Chronicle” is doing it, which is a good start. Unlike Spider-Man, this reboot makes a certain amount of sense (first two movies were terrible and the second one was a huge flop) apart from the rights-issues stuff, and it doesn’t involve an irritating web of studio manhandling and backstabbing; so right now it’s kind of a neutral prospect as far as I’m concerned.

64 thoughts on “Last Word on "Spider-Man"

  1. Anonymous says:

    I actually hate how people are so unrelentingly angry against your opinion Bob, considering their arguments are opinionative too. You all are expressing your own opinions and are coming off biased due to them. And hypocritical, using opinions to fight opinions.

    This is not funny anymore.

    Like

  2. Popcorn Dave says:

    The reason Bob has so many “trolls” is because – on certain topics at least – he acts like a bit of a dick, talking down to his audience, using dodgy arguments and pretending to be some kind of academic when he's clearly nothing of the sort. That tends to piss people off.

    Like

  3. Unknown says:

    Can you explain to me how you praised Captain America for the protagonist having been what he is liked even before he aquired his superpowers while at the same time criticising TASM for the exact same thing.

    Like

  4. Sam Robards, Comic Fan says:

    Lord Slithor said, “Doc Ock and Sandman were NEVER EVER nice guys!”

    While you're right about Doc Ock, Sandman was actually pardoned and became a reserve member of the Avengers at one point.

    Fanboy nitpick, I know. I just felt I needed to prove my nerdiness.

    Like

  5. Anonymous says:

    I never saw Raimi's Peter Parker whinny. He honestly seemed to take a lot of crap that is thrown at him and at least his sadness is understandable. In the new movie, he literally starts to freak out about his dad not being there out of no where and for no real reason other then to have an excuse for him to run off and have Uncle Ben chase him.

    Green Goblin design was definitely bad but I really like Doc Ock's. I mean it is better than his yellow and green costume and miles better than the green Voltamore in Amazing.

    I agree he took his mask off too much but at least in the first movie only one person figured out who is. In Amazing, at least 3 people know who he is (4 if you count the guy at the end)He gets unmasked by one, he tells the other Gwen so she will make out with him more and the Lizard finds out the stupidest way possible. The kid can make his own web shooters and help re-grow someones arm but he isn't smart enough to take his name off the back of a camera?

    I actually can't remember any other scenes besides the car theft scene where Spidey is actually making wisecracks. And for a movie that wanted to make him witty, the best wisecrack is still in Spider-Man 1 where he fights the wrestle.
    “Cute outfit, did your husband give it to you?”

    Like

  6. Chris Cesarano says:

    I'm assuming you read a lot of this stuff, as you've mentioned it, and though I don't really know if you'll remember me or what you actually think of me between my comments here and from our meeting at PAX East. But I do want you to know that while I do not favor your opinion on Spider-man, I also don't hold it against you, be it as a critic or as a person. I'm sorry to have been one of the many that reacted as I had to your review.

    I do agree with what you say about what it meant for Raimi to be given the reins on the original Spider-man trilogy, though. Without that movie I'm not sure the Marvel movieverse as we know it could exist. So while I have issues with it in hindsight, and I'm not a fan of a lot of Raimi's signature style, I do get why anyone that's a fan of comics and film would have a soft spot for it.

    It's a damn shame when something like this comes around and so much filth gets slung all over the room. I'm sorry I was one of the many negative voices when it came to your reviews. However, just as I do with plenty of my friends, I'm willing to disagree.

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  7. Lord Slithor says:

    @ Sylocat- Like I said, I could be wrong. And am willing to owe up to it if I am. And I never said it was conspiracy. I didn't know how much say, if any, Bob has over at the Escapist. So good to know at least what the pecking order is.

    @ Sam Robards- Yeah, I was aware of Sandy's brief stint as an Avenger. Tho it was only temporary and later retconned to make it seem like he wasn't himself during that time. I'm talking though about his origin, and how at the outset he was little more than a common thug when he came into his powers. Unlike other Spidey villains like the Lizard or the Green Goblin who had a sympathetic or tragic dimension to them, Sandman wasn't one of them. And it was a mistake IMO for Raimi to try and make him out to be; one reason why I don't think that despite his assertions to the contrary, he didn't “get” Spider-Man.

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  8. Bill Thomas says:

    Personally, MovieBob, I thought your Spider-Man review was spot-fucking-on. I've just recently started checking out your reviews on a regular basis, and I gotta say that I've rarely encountered a film reviewer whose opinions seem to match my own so closely. I really enjoy your stuff. Don't less the zealots get you.

    Like

  9. guyinthehat says:

    @AmazinglyDisappointed
    Chances are this article is probably done getting responses and someone already responded to AmazinglyDisappointed but I found myself heading to the post comment section after reading the statements that cheesy isn't a genre.

    I'm with you on some points in how Bob handled the fans and the film but cheesy is a genre. It's called camp.

    Like

  10. Anonymous says:

    Holy ****ing Christ! Did I just step into a Twilight Zone where online movie reviews matter a hell of a lot more than they do in the real world? Is there a danger of people who disagree with the reviewer being executed by a movie-critic-totalitarian regime?

    You didn't agree with his review? Fine, you enjoyed the film, be happy about it. You don't like the way he writes reviews, well don't read them – his is hardly the only movie-review show in town. This is ridiculous.

    What the **** is this shit?

    Like

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