There was a moment, back “BAD BOYS II” had already happened and the first “TRANSFORMERS” had not, that I imagined that Michael Bay might be the guy to make a singularly great live-action Transformers movie. The movie I was imagining… looked like this.

Comprehensible action? Flag-draped Americana (LITTLE RED WAGON!!!!)? Ultra-earnest/sincere Mark Whalberg?? Plot seeming to imply The Autobots fighting the military/government and (maybe?) evil man-made Transformers? Optimus Prime being revived in a rural garage? (maybe) Galvatron/Unicron? Dinobots? STATIONARY SHOT-COMPOSITION????

This… might actually work…