untransformative

Below, the teaser for “Transformers 3: Dark of The Moon.” (seriously?)

So… I’m confused. Why is the music telling me that Apollo 11 finding Transformers on The Moon is some kind of big surprise? I’m not going to go back and watch it to check, but didn’t they establish that The Decepticons’ spaceship had been crashed up there for some time in the 2nd one? And wasn’t the Transformers already being “among us” for a few thousand years the “big idea” of the first one?

So why the big “BUM BUM BUMMMMM!!!!” on the unconscious robot? None of the movie Transformers look anything like themselves, so it’s not like it can be a fanservice character-reveal thing (“he” seems to have old-man features, so fans are already speculating on Alpha Trion or Unicron, of course.)

24 thoughts on “untransformative

  1. Aleksandar says:

    Actualy The Decepticon ship had been crashed on Mars in the first movie…and fuck where in the second…

    I believe this is actually the Arc since the the guy from the end is an Autobot (blue-eyes)…

    He looks like a yellow Prime with a Gundam V sign and a mustache…so I'm guessing it's Sentinel Prime…

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  2. Sofie Liv Pedersen says:

    people are so going to think I am nuts.
    For the record, I know how bad the first two movies are, and I know what kind of incomptent director Michael Bay is, and we all knew this movie is going to suck hard time, we knew the day the first movie premiered.

    Which is probably why I just think this look fucking awesome!
    Does it become any more cheesy 80's ala James Bond goes to the moon and Jason goes to the future for.. reasons..

    It's just stuff so god damn out there that it's somehow lovable, I mean this is like “Leprechaun in space.” 😀

    I didn't watch the second movie, but I am probably going to watch this one on DVD at some point, it's going to be freaking hilarious! best, buddy movie night ever, and I am going to have a bucket of popcorn and a bottle of malt whiskey to, it's going to be awesome.

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  3. Adam says:

    Now I'm just angry.

    This seemed like it was going to be a trailer for an epic scifi film. The original Apollo mission found alien life? Awesome.

    Then I see Michael Bay's name flash up and feel a dreadful 'oh no' moment. Yup, shitty looking transformer.

    Hey, wait a minute if they found ANOTHER giant robot back in 1969 as well as remnants of a ship, how come the Autobots/Decepticons didn't make this their very first objective? Investigating a crash site that might contain important cybertronian technology/parts might be a wee bit more important than playing Team America against Decepticons that weren't harming anyone.

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  4. Arturo says:

    Am I the only one with a little deja vu going on?
    Seriously, is there something wrong with the writer's attention span or something? In #1, the government publically declared we were being invaded. In #2, the presence of Transformers on Earth was just a rumor to the general public. WHy do I get the feeling that this movie will ignore that and go with whatever it wants?

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  5. Kysafen says:

    Lol, this looks fucking horrible. NASA would never authorize entering the structure, nor would Armstrong or Aldrin do so, especially in a structure littered with sharp objects. It takes one rip in that space suit to consider yourselves dead. Is there any semblance of rationality in Bay's films or is he just a fucking retard that panders to the far too easily entertained?

    …and lol @ “the robot equivalent of a mustache” @ 2:00. Yeah, fuck this movie and anyone who sees and likes it.

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  6. Peter S. says:

    @Clayton
    He'd probably ask for Mrs. Pell's Fishsticks before doing any kind of brutalizing first.

    Honestly? Even though I knew going into it that this was going to be the teaser for T3, I still held out quite a bit of hope for this as I was watching it. It looked pretty damn cool and I was really digging the look and feel of it…

    …and then I saw Bay's name flash on the screen and I reminded myself what I was in for.

    Yeah, I'm really not a fan of the Transformers aside from owning a couple when I was a kid, but once I saw the design on that fucking thing I knew that all we're in for is another movie with flashy special effects (in 3D I can only assume) and the most threadbare excuse for a plot in existence. Then I went on IMDb and noticed that Leo (Sam's roommate in case you blissfully forgot) will be returning. So just we're on the same page: Megan Fox and her gratuitously unnecessary but nonetheless appreciated fan-service won't be in this movie, but more of Sam's conspiracy nut roommate friend is in… just think about that for a second, will you?

    Fuck that, fuck this movie, fuck Michael Bay and fuck me for more than likely going to see it in theaters just so I have a legitimate reason to hate it as soon as possible.

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  7. Elessar says:

    I don't know dick about the Transformers canon and don't care to find out. But I'd like to point out 2 things, one about the trailer and one about something in the comments, which leads into something else:

    1) Why would a transformer have a goatee? Seriously, I'm sure that's what it is, and it looks worse than the beard in the 2nd one.

    2) @clayton: I'm sorry if this is revealing my great lack of knowledge of the importance of Transformers in the larger culture, but why would Orson Welles come smite Michael Bay for Unicron? Orson Welles wouldn't care about Michael Bay, much less anything to do with Transformers? I mean, I know he played the guy but I doubt it was that important to him.

    Which leads into the bigger comment I want to make: Guys, it's a shitty movie based on a mediocre tv series. This isn't like the Star Wars prequels, something shitty based on something great. This isn't even like the Jaws sequels sucking. It's like a Friday the 13th sequel sucking.

    Seriously, say it sucks and ignore it. The collective filmography of Michael Bay, the Transformers movies, nor frankly the Transformers TV series, are worth this amount of energy.

    And now that I've made an assload of enemies here, I'm off.

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  8. tyra menendez says:

    At Elessar,

    Wells was the voice of Unicron, the major baddie, in the 1986 animated Transformers movie. It was actually his last role, as he died about 3 months, before it came out and he thought it might be a kind of comeback vehicle for him, at least in voice work. The saddest part, is they had to put so much production on his voice, because it had become not much more than a weak, dry rasp. If you listen to it, you can hear all the resonance that was thrown on, in post, as well as pitching it down.
    Also, the robots with facial hair is kind of a throwback to the '86 incarnation, as many had kind of facial hair-things to distinguish them. Wreck-gar, for example had an Errol Flynn kind of thing, to make him look like a rogue, while Sentinel Prime and Alpha Trion had “beards” to look wise.

    My guess is they will ignore the whole “last prime” thing, and it will be Sentinel Prime or Alpha Trion. All the bad guys have oni masks for faces, so I don't think Unicron. Either way, it will be painful to watch, as was the first and second. Seriously, I don't think I've ever groaned so much, as when I watched the second movie, on HBO. Not even when I had gallstones.

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  9. Varya says:

    But.. in movie 1… weren't all the black suit guys like “OMG ALIENS on MARS!?!?!? We ARE NOT ALONE!” And now we found our they already knew about it? I hate internal canon fail. Especially when it's just 3 movies… it's not that hard

    Like

  10. Nafees says:

    @Mr G

    😀

    everyone else
    when i eventually see it, i'm going to treat it lik it's the first transformers movie bay has done.
    think about it, he is dis-regarding the canon in his own movie, megan fox isn't in it, doubt the plot has anything to do with previous films, and the returning characters will be brought back in some convoluted way, so yeah, why not.
    Michael Bay only made one transformers movie. (hopefully above mediocre)

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  11. Chris Cesarano says:

    It is orange and has a beard, so my money is on Unicron since it is a more recognizable big-name villain, and since everything is done in trilogies these days he would make a good final “boss”.

    That is, if he were the size of a planet. So either they are going to royally screw Unicron up, or it isn't Unicron after all.

    Still haven't seen the second, so I doubt I'll see this. However, considering the entertainment of your Transformers 2 review, I'll likely appreciate this movie's existence if only for your review of it.

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  12. a.m.bernal says:

    Wouldn't unicron be the size of say half a moon? And fof F** sakes, another “ohhh” discovery in space?…
    bleh….

    On the other hand: the “there's decepticon/autobot crap scattered all around the galaxy”-premise is the one thing bay & co are being consistent about, i'll give them a plus point for :D, consistency.

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  13. Hyrabethian says:

    Honestly, I'm too flabbergasted and dumb struck by the subtitle of the movie to move ahead onto actually watching the trailer.

    Dark of the Moon?

    DARK OF THE MOON?

    Are the film makers just trying to be clever (in the best way the can) or did they just forget to add the “-side” to Dark…????

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  14. Charlie says:

    anyone else notice that if you stop the video around 1:19 and 1:20, the sand falling away kinda makes the outline of the G1 Megatron face/helmet… or is this just me being optimistic?

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  15. Jonnyp555 says:

    That last shot going into the eye sums up the main reason these films don't work for me. There's too much detail.

    MB just doesn't understand that these are films with massive fooking robots walking around in them. There's so much detail and so many close-ups that it's just too much for the eye to handle.

    That and Megan Fox just looks two billiard balls squeezed into a purse

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