All Wet

Here’s that new trailer for “Battleship,” the naval-centered sequel to “Battle: LA” (remember that?) that nobody asked for:

I’m still fairly curious about this, as I kinda like the idea that Berg basically wanted to make a navy vs. aliens movie and got it done by offering to name it after the board game… but it’s hard to stay optimistic when it still looks so much like “Transformers” on the water.

Also: Is that the Freedom Tower they’re blowing up?

Also: Is Rihanna doing a Carribbean accent? EDIT: Apparently that’s her real speaking (as opposed to singing) voice… which I now realize I had never actually heard until now.

20 thoughts on “All Wet

  1. Julian Perez says:

    Is everyone sure this is a real thing? It's too much like a Jay Sherman Critic joke to be real…

    Plinkett did a joke about “Snuggies: the Movie” practically the very week this movie was announced. I laughed at that joke at the time but I'm not laughing now.

    Here's what confounded me about the original trailer: you'd think the #1 selling point of this movie featured heavily in the trailer would be the acting debut of Rhianna, who is the world's biggest superstar and a sexy dame besides.

    After all, remember how much press Madonna got for being in Dick Tracy?

    Rhianna being in this movie is the one selling point of what even the fat idiot Transformers crowd probably thinks looks too dumb to exist. Rhianna is the one thing that might put asses in chairs on this. So…wouldn't you pump her role up like Roger Corman used to pump up a ten minute role in a b-movie by Ernest Borgnine?

    Yet she wasn't even in the first trailer! They chose to sell it on the basis of the concept, which is obviously this film's strong point, right?

    (Who the hell is Brooklyn Decker and why does everyone suddenly know who she is? I don't know who she is just because everyone else acts like they know who she is. I think she did a swimsuit thing, but the notion of looking at women on something other than the internet is a downright quaint idea, what your grandmother would do if she liked chicks.)

    Film makers making mistakes are understandable. When reading about how the movie business works, I sometimes wonder not that there are any bad movies, but that any good movies are made at all. But trailer and marketing people screwing up, who usually are savvy and know their oysters? That's somehow stranger. How many bad movies have you been suckered into seeing by smart and slick marketing?

    Trailers and marketing screwing up? What next, mechanics screwing up? Mechanics screw up and then our civilization loses the ability to fly airplanes, and then it's H.G. Wells' “Things To Come.”


  2. Dominic says:

    I like that the current preferred type of trailer music has moved on from “Requiem for a Tower”-type orchestral melodrama to gritty dubstep and symphonic electro in the style of TRON: LEGACY. Certainly it's a fad, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.


  3. rabidplatypus229 says:

    Forgive me for saying this, but this still looks a lot better than Michael Bay Transformers. Yeah, it will probably suck, but I'll see it anyway. At least it's not really betraying the source material, as there wasn't much plot to the Battleship game. I actually like the idea of adding a story to a basic franchise. Transformers, on the other hand, was a complete betrayal to its source material.

    At least this movie doesn't try to hide what it really is: a military vs alien action movie.

    Also, in terms of actors, this movie's line up isn't all that bad. In the end, this movie will most likely suck, but I'll go see it anyway.


  4. Blue Highwind says:

    Moviebob, that's not the Freedom Tower. I forget what building that actually is, but the completed Freedom Tower will not have two spires, only one. There are other differences in the structure as well.

    It would have pissed me off royally to see One World Trade Center destroyed even before it was BUILT. Its like, Hollywood, can't you wait until its done?? Too soon, man.


  5. Axle says:

    I like how “From Hasbro the company that brought you Transformers” syncs up with the first heavy electronic beat. Well… like is a strong word. “Found amusing” is more appropriate.


  6. Anonymous says:

    This looks bad but maybe a good, low-expectations popcorn movie to rent.

    Also, to be fair, Rihanna is from Barbados. Not defending her, just sayin'.


  7. Anonymous says:

    From what I could glean, this movie will be a dumb summer flick. I think it has the potential to push it to GI Joe heights of absurdity, and I look forward to that.

    The camera-work thankfully looks a lot more 'grounded' than Bay's work, but this is a trailer so that doesn't say a hell of a lot.

    This will probably make a good weekend entertainment flick that I'll mostly forget about an hour after having seen it and pick up at the Wal-Mart bargain bin for $5 about a year later.


  8. Anonymous says:

    “Forgive me for saying this, but this still looks a lot better than Michael Bay Transformers.”

    No it doesn't. It looks [i]exactly like[/i] Michael Bay's Transformers. ALL of the sound effects, special effects and cinematography looked to be completely taken from that series. And I mean literally TAKEN. It genuinely sounds like they straight up copy/pasted the 'metal' sound effect from Transformers and stuffed it all over this trailer. If it didn't show that godawful looking space suit thing walking down the stairs and it didn't actually show the title of the movie, I'd bet my life savings most people would think this is a teaser for T4.

    That said, I'm STILL willing to give it chance. However much it may look EXACTLY LIKE Transformers, it's not being directed by Michael Bay. Peter Berg's gotta a solid rep for making above-average action films, so I'll still hold judgement on the end product.


  9. Bill says:

    Y'know, I quite like this trailer. It hints at what could be a good movie – IF they've given it some depth and character in addition to all the pretty-shiny special effects and action.

    I'd really like to see an action movie with some intelligence to it. Not just another turd on a plate like Transformers.


  10. Unknown says:

    the story looks way better then transformers. I hope bay doesnt fuck it up. the director and writers seem to have worked on other projects waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more better then the bay trilogy (I like the island), and the aliens eyes hint they may have nice designs, seeing how their armor looks like something from masseffect. I hope they have a good reason for invading and not a generic villan or one dimensionsal character.


  11. Warrant says:

    Only if they can explain what WWII era battleships are doing in modern war-games.

    Pssssh, 'Transformers in the Ocean” god, whatEVER. There's nothing at all that would tie these two movies toget-
    Oooooohhhhhh. Nevermind.

    If someone would just kill whoever the hell it is adding all those goddamn lens flares, this would probably be at least watchable.


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