"The Amazing Spider-Man" Lies His Ass Off In NEW Poster

When I first saw this (origin: SuperHeroHype) as a partial-view on my smartphone I kind of loved it – great design, if nothing else. Then I scrolled down to the bottom and burst out laughing in public.
They’re really selling a revisitation of what may be (at least!) the 3rd most widely-known superhero “origin story” EVER as “The Untold Story?” The origin of Spider-Man is the definition of a TOLD story! It’s not even as though it’s a “prequel” to the previously-made movies and is going to reveal some “untold” part of that continuity; it’s just a new version of the same exact fucking story! That’s as close to a full-blown lie as a poster can tell!
But… whatever. What it does make me wonder (again) is what they might have meant when they put this together. What is “the untold story?”

Of all the things that set off my alarm bells about the godawful first trailer for the film, the most glaring was that the death (dissappearance?) of Peter Parker’s actual parents – and satchel full of mysterious-documents they left behind – was revealed as some kind of big driving point for the plot (the big final line of the trailer was “We all have secrets. The ones you keep… and the one’s kept from you.”)
Of all the convoluted nonsense that Spidey’s backstory has accrued over the years, the detail that Richard and Mary Parker were actually Bond-style secret agents is one of the dopiest; but as part of a movie continuity it gives off the bad vibes of some “big thing” that ‘coincidentally’ connects all the current and future characters together as opposed to “weird super-science stuff happens all the time around here” worldbuilding.
Best guess? They’ll be revealed to have been “taken out” because of some nefarious doings related to Oscorp (the company’s name is on Gwen Stacy’s and Curt Conners’ labcoats in the trailer) which will in turn be the “source” of both The Lizard and sundry baddies to come (oh, and they’ll tease The Green Goblin at the end a’la The Joker.)
Am I the only one that hates when they do that? Joker being the Wayne’s killer in the Tim Burton “Batman,” Sandman shooting Uncle Ben in “Spider-Man 3,” etc? It always makes the “world” so small and narrow. I know why it’s there from a screenwriting 101 standpoint, connecting the threads and whatnot – but it kills out the “scope” factor of having the various villains and/or other “super” people existing independently of the main character until their paths cross. Like… in “Captain America,” I LOVE that the Cosmic Cube has zero connection to Cap until The Red Skull has it, and that even then it has nothing to do with why The Skull is what he is; or how S.H.I.E.L.D. is not exclusively devoted to looking for Thor, they’re just “there” and they’ve brought an archery-themed superhero with them “because why not?” It makes everything so much more expansive and adds so much more potential.

15 thoughts on “"The Amazing Spider-Man" Lies His Ass Off In NEW Poster

  1. Brian says:

    Definitely agree that this closed-world building has to end. Beginning with The Joker killing Wayne's parents, it has only served to make heroes appear more self involved and ego centric, turning their existential quest for good into a theme of personal vindication.


  2. Daniel R says:

    If this was an indie, fan-made poster, one made by a fan of spider-man and or the film, I would be all over it. Its brilliantly designed and well photographed.

    What concerns me is;
    This is an official poster.
    They want me to think this is a lot grittier and edgier than the Raimi films and I just don't like that direction when it comes to Spider-Man.
    I mean, doesn't that image just scream “Venom!”

    Also; agreed on the aforementioned spy backstory.
    I usually ignore that part of the mythos.

    “Hey, I know what our relatable, unlikely hero needs; Spy Parents!”


  3. Punchline36 says:

    Ooh, ooh, I know this one! I know this one!

    The “untold story” line is there because the film is going to bring up Peter's parents, the trailer clearly shows that Richard Parker left something for Peter to find, and then there's the line from the trailer- “Do have any idea what you really are?” Finally the last line of the trailer about the “secrets kept from us” all suggests that the film is going into the blasphemous territory of suggesting that even prior to the spider bite, Peter had already been altered in some way. That he was already special in some way (perhaps he had some kind of super serum in him as a kid and this is why the spider bite effects him in the way it does instead of just killing him?)

    But this is why the poster is claiming an “untold story”

    Anyone agree with me?


  4. Andrew says:

    Daniel R said:
    “Hey, I know what our relatable, unlikely hero needs; Spy Parents!”


    I can relate to Peter Parker in the sense that I can see in his constant whining a great reason to hate him as much as all the other odious little maggots who constantly complain how difficult everything is when most of their problems are caused by their own actions.

    Spiderman is the super hero equivalent of “white man's problems”.

    Chin up Parker.

    Now if they make a version of Parker in this reboot that doesn't just constantly moan all the way through then it really will be an untold story.


  5. biomechanical923 says:

    Something about this new Spider Man movie gives me a funny feeling that it's trying to appeal to the Twilight fanbase (complete with Stephanie Meyers morality).

    I predict that the “Untold Story” is going to contain a lot more of Peter Parker whining about what a “Nice Guy” he is, and “why doesn't Mary Jane notice this and fall for him?”


  6. Robert Garlen says:

    It does not bug me at all when things like The Joker killing Batman's parents happen or Spider-Man getting his spider bite from oscorp, it just sets up the idea of Fate is setting up their destiny. I mean one might as well bitch at the odds of a ted named peter parker getting bit by a spider that grants him super powers in the first place. we might as well bitch about how the Kents found Baby Clark. The idea of fate just seems to work and in movies it just points to a idea that they were meant for it no matter what


  7. Leeroy says:

    You might be among the minority on this one, Bob. Way I see it, the composite Ultimate origin story of Spider-man was perfectly serviceable because it made a half dozen loose plot threads, that were on their own weak or uninteresting, into a stronger, singular narrative. Sometimes it works.
    And speaking as a younger comic reader I can't help but feel that outrage at such compositing is just older followers getting upset that their nostalgia is being somehow cast aside.
    So I don't think you should condemn this movie for trying to use the story that made Venom more interesting than “space-goop”. You should condemn it because it's mopey, has a terrible costume, and is being made before audiences have had a chance to forget how awful Spider-man 3 was and actually start to miss this super hero.


  8. john says:

    “Everything's connected, no matter how improbable” is the sign of a writer coming to an existing property and trying to jury-rig answers to the fundamental plot questions with existing entities rather than develop their own take on things. In other words, it's entirely the kind of move you'd expect from a corporate-boardroom movie like this one.


  9. 481620 says:

    There does seem to be a trend in super hero films where the film is all about adding more story to the original comics. And that seems like the logical thing to do for Hollywood because there's no point in retelling the same story again and they can't handle the fact that the audience might have to fill in the blanks or be in anyway productive in the plot. As if they'd ever let the audience decide who was in the wrong.

    I'm not the kind of person to complain that they change the story, I love that it annoys comic fans when a tiny detail is changed. It's not as if the film replaces the comic or overpowers it whenever they clash. What annoys me more is that these origins stories are basically checklists for setting up previous films and comics. Everything must be explained.


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