Will Smith is making a Bible Movie… with Vampires

The Fresh Prince is now entering the “I’ve made A LOT of money for you motherfuckers so now I get to do whatever the FUCK I want!” phase of his career (his next big project: a father/son scifi action/epic with Jayden written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan); and if you need further proof of this The Wrap reports that he’s gotten a greenlight to produce, star in and possibly even direct “The Legend of Cain” – which apparently retells the Old Testament tale of Cain and Able with “a vampire twist.”

Okay, so… this sounds batshit insane as a film project (“what if Bible Character X was a VAMPIRE!!??” is almost a parody of controversy-bait movie pitches) but the disillusioned Catholic School student and Altar Boy in me can actually see how this might be an interesting premise.

If you’re not up on your Ancient Jewish religious/folk traditions (though this particular story is also held as relevant/important by Christianity, Islam, Mormonism and other Abrahamic-offshoots), Cain and Abel are supposed to have been two brothers (twins in some tellings) sired by Adam and Eve at some point after they were expelled from the Garden of Eden. The specific circumstances vary from source to source, but the main point of their story is that Cain kills Abel in a jealous rage when God rejects Cain’s burnt-offering of fruit but accepts Abel’s sacrificial offering of a lamb – thus turning his brother into the First Martyr and himself (Cain) into the first human being to commit the sin of murder… and the subsequently the first human to be Cursed by God as punishment.

Here’s where this gets interesting, to me: Given that this is an Antediluvian Biblical account (read: takes place prior to The Flood and Noah’s Ark) the story of what happens to Cain AFTER the murder vary wildly from tradition to tradition, to the extent that even many “traditional” sects see it more as a symbolic account than a literal one. In any case, Cain’s punishment takes different forms in every telling. Chiefly, he’s supernaturally blocked from ever being able to farm or cultivate the earth again (having spilled his brother’s blood there) and is commanded to wander the world ever-after as a scavenger. Moreover, he’s branded (sometimes literally) with “The Mark of Cain” which has a troubling history as certain faiths decided that black (as in African) skin was evidence of said Mark and used it as pretense for racial segregation (most mainstream Christian faiths, however, held that whatever descendants Cain DID have were among those killed during The Flood.)

BUT! Some other, more mystical Judeo/Christian/Islamic traditions hold that Cain’s “wander forever” curse meant forever as in immortality. Considering that, and considering how prominent the imagery of blood (the Bible describes the poisoning of Cain’s land as the result of the earth having been “made to drink his brother’s blood) is in the story it wouldn’t be that far of a leap for this film to go with “The Curse and Mark of Cain was actually that he became the first Vampire” as it’s big-idea twist.

Amusingly, if Smith does decide to play Cain himself and casts the remainder of the characters accordingly (how great would it be if Alfonso Ribeiro played Abel??), making it into a vampire movie is just about the ONLY thing that could distract from the innevitable firestorm of “I’m not a racist BUUUUUUUT….” protests at the idea of Biblical characters being portrayed by Black actors.

That Just Happened

Having Clint Eastwood as Mitt Romney’s “surprise” lead-in speaker at the RNC should’ve been a slam-dunk: Dirty Harry walks out onstage and lays down some gravely platitudes (ideally ones that ignore Mr. Eastwood happening to be pro-choice and pro-gay marriage) while the assembled crowd basks in the glow of just about the ONLY remotely-relevant right-wing actor who isn’t a walking joke – or, rather, wasn’t one yet..
Just one small problem. Apparently, Clint decided to ad-lib… and nobody (understandably) had the guts to tell him “no.”

So, the night that was supposed to be all about introducing Mitt Romney to America… instead became all about an 82 year-old man performing a rambling, nigh-incoherent ventriloquism routine in which he conversed with an empty chair representing “Invisible Obama.” Social media (re: “The Twittersphere”) lit up immediately as the slow-motion train wreck unfolded… and even the Official Obama Twitter got in on the act…

The video is below. I warn you, it’s cringe inducing. No, not because it’s a Republican thing – it would be just as embarassing if, say, Michael Douglas did this at the DNC next week – because it’s just awful all-around, an all-time low and probably the most embarassing thing Eastwood has ever been associated with. Ugh, what a shame.

"The Iceman" Trailer WILL Kick Your Ass

Via Latino Review

2012/13 is the Year of Michael Shannon, and I’ve been waiting a long time for it – Shannon has been the best “very-possibly-a-genuine-out-and-out-insane-person” actor in Hollywood for years, but he kept being so in movies nobody saw. That changes this year: “Premium Rush” is a theatrical bomb, but it’ll very, very soon be thriving on Redbox/Netflix/VOD where people will discover Shannon stealing the ENTIRE MOVIE with a over-the-top-and-then-some villain performance. And after that: He’s General Zod in “The Man of Steel,” which is garaunteed to at least open huge. So… welcome to being the new “guy fanboys want to play EVERY villain,” Mr. Shannon – you’ve earned it.

BUT before that, he’s also playing the title roll in “The Iceman,” a true-story crime flick about an infamous mafia contract-killer who gets in trouble when he starts taking freelance work. The film now has a trailer, and… Holy. Fucking. SHIT. Have you been jonesing for hardcore balls-out nasty mob-movie action? If so, it looks like your fix is coming…

http://www.springboardplatform.com/mediaplayer/springboard/video/ltrv001/955/543767/

Film is currently without a solid U.S. release date, but is slated to hit the festival circuit at Venice this weekend followed by a TIFF appearance.

This Scene Probably Should’ve Been Left In "The Avengers"

We’re starting to see the “Avengers” deleted scenes turning up, and a pattern is starting to emerge: The “much longer” original cut of the film may also have been a “darker” cut, and what went out seems to have been anything that might’ve changed the “colorful romp” energy of the final film. Probably the right idea – they weren’t going to out-gloom the summer’s other big superhero epic, and to be perfectly honest the blatant 9/11 allusions in the “alternate opening” is cheesy in the wrong way and would’ve left a bad taste in people’s mouths. “The Avengers” was when this genre stepped back into the light, and I’m more than fine with that.

That said, this bit re-introducing Captain America probably should’ve found a way to stay in. I can see how it would hurt the pacing (Act 1 is a touch on the long side as-is) but it’s a really good piece that (hopefully) signals the sort of movie we might be getting from Cap 2.

Appreciation

So… it sometimes seems like I have a contentious relationship with my own fanbase, particularly as concerns comments and feedback. It’s my own doing, I know, in as much as I decided early on that my approach to being an online personality would be to A.) engage the audience and B.) give as good as I got, within reason.

But, without getting into specifics, I’ve had some instances happen recently in terms of fan-feedback and general appreciativeness that reminded me that I don’t accentuate the positive nearly enough in that regard. In any case, in spite of a lot of general internet nonsense that often goes down around here, I really do have some of the best fans/readers/viewers in this business; and I want you to know it.

Thanks, and hope y’all keep watching/reading/etc 🙂

New "Game OverThinker" is Live!

A few weeks ago, my colleague Jim Sterling did a video on what he so as the waning (or, at least, “water-treading”) state of the Super Mario Bros. franchise which, along with a general sense of “I’ve gotta get to this at some point” regarding the matter, inspired me to undertake this episode… which is NOW SHOWING on ScrewAttack!

Embedded video (and SPOILER TALK) after the jump:

http://www.springboardplatform.com/mediaplayer/springboard/video/scre004/711/536759/

SPOILERS BELOW

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So… “gotcha,” I guess. The AntiThinker WAS back… for about five minutes. I’ve been planning this bit, broadly, since before shooting wrapped on “War of The Thinkers.” AntiThinker was always going to go away for at least two “arcs,” then come back but in an unexpected context. Not long after that, the notion of adding “evil robot” (“RoboThinker,” who you’ll probably see in the metallic flesh next episode time permitting) to the evolving bad guy character-roster (alongside “ninja” and “demon”) and “Terminator parody” seemed like a logical way to go about doing it.

THEN it occured to me that A.) I hadn’t really done a Dragonball Z parody yet, either, and it seemed like a natural fit for the show; B.) DBZ’s Androids/Future-Trunks/Cell episodes WERE a Terminator riff and C.) a version of The OverThinker in Trunks’ purple hair, blue coat and sword ensemble would (hopefully) be inherently funny… it was suddenly an obvious manuever: Let “OmegaThinker’s” debut be taking out AntiThinker in a parody/recreation of the “Oh no not MORE Frieza epis-OH! Frieza’s DEAD just like that!?” debut DBZ gave Trunks.

Sony Making "Console Wars" Movie

Sony Pictures, you may have heard, has bought up a bunch of domain names relating to a movie project called “Console Wars.” Yesterday, HitFix’s Kris Tapley ambiguously tweeted that he’d heard of the project before and described it as “The Social Network” but for video-games.

So… a non-fiction drama about corporate-rivalry in the video game world? Interesting. But what would it be about – which “war” are we talking about?

It would be almost comically cynical and gauche for Sony to make a movie about a business they are one of the three major players IN – even in a “names changed” fictionalized version everyone would be able to tell which one is supposed to be Playstation, making it impossible not to be looking for moments of self-aggrandizement. Also, the movie would probably be current-gen because that’s when the mainstream audience/press started caring about the games industry… and most of the “drama” in Generation 7 has involved Sony tripping over it’s own shoes in some way.

I’ll get called “biased” for this, but the only remotely movie-worthy console-biz story of Gen7 is the Wii: a company that used to be on top, now struggling on the verge of collapse, making a hail-mary pass that everyone says is insane and will fail based largely on the ideas of it’s chief creative guy (Miyamoto as Billy Beane from “Moneyball,” basically) …only to see it become a giant restorative success. Like The Wii or not, that’s the story.

The “Great” Console War, of course, was Nintendo vs Sega in the 80s and 90s (back when consoles actually had totally different sets of games and such) but I agree with Devin at BAD that it’d be hugely unlikely for Sony Pictures to be so gun-ho to make an 80s period piece featuring almost-exclusively Japanese actors.

That said, if Sony really does want to make a movie about the game business where their brand gets to be the underdog turned conquering hero, the “birth of the Playstation” would be the way to go: Screwed-over in a VERY public and humiliating way by the industry’s top dogs, turning the remains of that screw-over into thier own brand, ultimately getting-over on aforementioned top-dog by innovating where they refused to? That’s a movie. On the down side, there’s no way Nintendo is going to agree to let their logos, names, products etc. be seen in that movie; which you’d kind of need…